


An Infinitesimal Issue: VIRGIL

by orphan_account



Series: Spectacular Sanders Sides Sketchy Scribbles [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, De-Aging out of stress, Gen, i just couldn't stop, okay look you know i did these for all of the sides, once i started with roman, poor boyo, toddler!Virgil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-03 13:34:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20266837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It was hard to be vigilant over the ones he loved, however, when he was barely tall enough to open a door and terrified of the dark.





	An Infinitesimal Issue: VIRGIL

He was supposed to be the villain- _that _was the role he had been explicitly created to fill in the beginning. And that was who he was for a while; who the others had relied on him to be. A scapegoat, a person to blame the problems on, a common enemy to unite against for the feeling of satisfaction after defeat. 

But then he ducked out, and the others saw him for the good that he could do. How he wasn’t the villain, not really. He was… he was more the devil’s advocate, really. Arguing the ‘what if’s’s so that they could be prepared if they happened. That was the role he had been created to fill, whether known by the others or not. That was who he was, and that was who the others had come to recognise him as and rely on him to be. The nervous yet protective wreck, the seer of danger, the prepared one, the vigilant one, the darker one, the one who helped avoid, or at least get out of, the inevitable internal conflict. 

It was hard to be vigilant over the ones he loved, however, when he was barely tall enough to open a door and terrified of the dark. 

If he gave thought to it (which he did, frequently at 2 in the morning when his racing thoughts refused to let him go to sleep), he thought that the initial purpose of the regression was to calm his fears when his anxiety skyrocketed. A sort of defense mechanism set in place in order to protect Thomas from his more debilitating attacks. 

He would say that it was nice to have a break as a toddler, as he had almost no insecurities towards himself, and the self-deprecating thoughts that usually plagued his mind were practically nonexistent (though he figured that was mostly because he stayed locked in his room when regressed. Can’t have social anxiety if you’re not social, after all, and can’t overthink the conversations you screwed up if you never spoke). 

It would be nice to have a break from those thoughts, if literally everything else didn’t terrify him. 

He supposed the defense mechanism purpose was to place him back into a more childlike mindset, which led him to being scared of things that a kid would be scared of, as well as things that would be easier to comfort a kid from. Shadows, small noises, and the dark which, of course, Virgil’s room was full of. It wasn’t as if those things didn’t set the anxious side on edge as his normal self, but for the most part, he had moved past the small things onto the bigger things. Death. Judgement. Social Interaction. Getting robbed. Losing his friends and family. Y’know, the more realistic stuff. Having a room as dark as his angsty personality was a way to show himself that he had grown, a middle finger in the air at all of the fears he and Thomas had grown past throughout life. 

Well, if the ‘being scared of more childlike things’ was indeed the end goal, the regression would probably be beneficial. But, as he boarded himself up in his room whenever this happened, his smaller self spending most of his time frozen in fear on his bed anyway, there wasn’t anyone to explain and comfort the ‘silly’ fears away. But, that was fine. Eventually, tiny Virge would pass out from fear or exhaustion, and, if he was lucky enough, he wouldn’t have any nightmares, calming down enough while asleep to wake up as his usual brooding self. If not, he would just repeat the cycle enough times until eventually, he was too tired to even have nightmares. Luckily, this happened a lot, and the others had stopped questioning why their favorite emo would spend weeks on end locked in his room. He knew Patton was concerned, but the father figure seemed to realize that his dark strange son needed his space sometimes.

He didn’t want to let them down, not even for a minute. He may have been seen for the good he did, and he may have been accepted into the group, but he was still sure that it wouldn’t take much for him to be out again. If any of the other sides found out that he was failing his job, his purpose for being there, that he wasn’t keeping Thomas safe, that he couldn't handle the attacks…

He didn’t want to find out. Now that he had been accepted, that he knew what being a part of the famILY felt like… he didn’t want to give that up. He wasn’t sure if he could  _ survive  _ without that again- without Patton’s warm hugs, Roman’s eccentric theatrics, Logan’s monotone, but obviously excited rants he sometimes went on when he learned more about the things that interested him, and… and Thomas’s smiles, directed at him, excited greetings whenever he had shown up instead of reluctant acceptance or straight up fear….

He  _ couldn’t  _ give that up. 

And so, he never,  _ ever  _ would let the others find out. Because even if he found himself crying out for a father figure to save him from the monsters that he was  _ sure  _ were hiding in his closet, or wished oh-so desperately for a prince to come save him from his nightmares, or yearned for a calm and calculated explanation of why he was  _ safe  _ and had nothing to fear… 

He was fine. He had been doing this on his own for years; being accepted into the famILY didn’t change a thing. He did his job, he was accepted by the others, and that was more than he deserved. 

...He just wished that, when he was scared and vulnerable, he still felt the same way. 

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, I really just want more kid!sides content... _and it shows_
> 
> honestly, i have no clue where i'm going with this, but ey, i wrote it, and it's almost half decent, so why not post it?


End file.
